Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.


Patrick Ethan Goh
wishing to be a teacher
loves to cooking
hates bacstabbers
hates being taken for granted
loves God
loves you
loves chocolates






Jovin
Sheryl
Jasmine Gan
Joelle
Joyce
David Ng
Sarah Goh


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designer Dancing Sheep
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hello..

yesterday was my first cooking practical test..
we were supposed to cook 3 different kind of stocks..
and 3 different kind of soups..
fish stock..
brown chicken stock..
vegetable stock..
consumme..
scotch broth..
puree of carrot soup..
within 5 hours..
i had to cook all that out..
kind of crazy but true..
and i'm kinda proud of myself..
that i think i did quite a good job in cooking them..
only thing that worry me is the taste..
because i'm having flu..
so whatever thing that i tasted is bland..
no taste..
so the soups may not have any or too salty..
but overall..
i think i can pass the test..

and today..
had my English test..
the paper was like secondary school standard..
about nouns, verbs, adverbs etc..
so it's like easy can..

my throat is like getting worse..
i think..
it's like needles poking everytime i swallow..
don't know what is wrong..
haiz..



feeling very xin ku now..
coughing very badly..
throat hurts like burning fire in your skin..
it's like killing me..
don't know how long i can take it..
i just feel sucks~~!!!!!



helloooo..
think i will blog first before continue on my studies..
to get some rest first..

Wednesday:
i took cab down from school to G12..
from Bukit Batok to Pasir Ris..
and guess how much?
$20 plus...
and i was super late for G12..
class ended at like 7.30pm..
and i reached at around 8.30pm..
then it was Jan who taught..
then she was said she just finished teaching..
i was like haiz..
but ya..
a summarised lesson..
super tired also..
hmmm..

Thursday:
it was the second last session of rehearsal before the actual thing on Friday..
i was talking about the MUSICAL
it was fun okay..
it was like only a bit more touching up to do..
plus the full dress rehearsal..
and we were all go to perform..
everyone was like super excited for the actual to come..
finally felt that all of these were just worth it..

and also i went to the doctor..
because of my sore throat, flu..
the usual stuff..
then the cool thing was that the doctor gave me a 2-days MC~
hmmm..
that means that i don't need to get a demit point for not going to class..
but also means that i have a lot of things to catch up..
haiz..

Friday:
today was the ACTUAL DAY for the MUSICAL..
i was very sick..
but at the same time very excited..
slept and lying in the bed for the whole morning..
cannot even talk properly..
throat was like freaking pain...

in the afternoon..
went to church to prepare and stuff..
everybody was like there also..
so finally we can have everybody for the last rehearsal on stage..
haha..
and as the minute passes..
the intensity and excitment increases..
then the time came..
first up is Region A..
ESTHER AND THE KING
everything went well..
it was like enjoying..
everybody like it..
until Region C's turn..
DAVID AND GOTHIAH..
they were really really GOOD~!
the powder on the hand thingy..
that's cool!
and 'David'..
he's good!
haha..
me and Nicholas was like turning to each other and said..
"Region C First.. Region A second.."
and true enough..
Region C won..
but we enjoyed ourselves..
i enjoyed myself..

Saturday:
i was like dragging my feet to school..
head was pounding..
eye lids were heavy..
cannot even concentrate on the lesson..
class was just boring today..
or should i say..
every Saturday..

today:
feeling very sick this morning..
and making a tie was a difficult task of me today..
it's like making a tie for 20 minutes..
a bit angry about it..
don't know why also..
and then i had to do the most boring thing that most students will agree..
writing notes for tests..
sian..
it's like 6 chapters..
with each chapter with a lot of points..
haiz..
no life..


thank God that the Basketball league is coming..
and that i can go for all the matches..
because all the matches for Region A is second matches..
and class ends at latest 3.30pm..
so i can go~
YEAH!
but i feel gone..
all skills gone..
haiz...

i feel sick..
throat very painful..
hope i will get well before the game..

i miss you..
no matter you have decided..
i will support you..

hmmm..
think i better go back to study..







feel weak..
sick..

last night..
i asked you why you choose me..
because the guys around you are like much more talented than me..
but you told me..
you like me because..
"you're not like the other guys.."
"because you will do things with sincenity even though you don't like it.."

very xin ku..



hello...

today's practical..
hmmm..
today i cooked soup..
i can say that it went well..
Puree Of Carrots..
Consomme..
Scotch Broth..

Consomme is a very clear beef soup..
so clear that if you use a clear bowl and place it on the table..
you can see the table~!
really..
and guess what?
i managed to do so!
i'm so happy for myself..
and also for the Puree of Carrots..
it is like a carrot soup..
but with the carrots being blended..
and then mix with the carrot stock..
then stir..
until it is like very smooth and nice..
and guess what?
mine is one of the best!
just a bit tasteless..
haha..
you should know..
because you tasted it..
hmmm..
actually..
i know that you don't like it lah..
it's okay..
haha..
can see..

hmmm...
and another amazing thing that happened today..
was that..
the whole class actually helped to clear up the kitchen!
miracle HAS happened~!!!!
haha..

hmmm..
suddenly feeling down again..
don't know why also..
maybe thinking about my illness..
GASTRIC..
for the past one week..
everyday..
no matter whether i eat a not..
somehow..
i will still have it..
haiz..
and then nausea and giddiness..
doctor said that maybe because of stress..
then just gave me some medicine..
to relieve it..

feeling down..
maybe because..
that we cannot like message so much like we used to..
i just miss the time that we message..
haiz.
i know it's going to be tough..
but i will want to go through it..
and i hope that you will go through it with me...


i sound selfish..


got to go..
going for rehearsal..
THE MUSICAL!!



a lot of things happened since the last entry..

school's really sucks to me..
every week..
having to face the same things..
over and over again..
maybe i don't have a good man management mentality..
just have to learn to..
"just don't care them if they don't want to to do the cleaning up"
"then you have to play with them.."

i don't really like what my lecturer said to me..
"i have given the role of a class rep.."
"..is for you to command them to do the cleaning.."
"..and you're not supposed to do ANYTHING.."
"..if you do, then i will give you demit points.."
then how will the class look at me?
a class rep that didn't set a good example in helping in the cleaning?
i felt that i'm being put in between the 2 sides..
LECTURER ME THE CLASS

how i wish i can give up this position..
but how will that reflect me to my lecturer..

i won't give up..
i won't be so easily being put off..
i will carry on fighting..
despite all these things..
no matter how difficult..
i won't give up..

last night..
went to see Harry Porter 5..
although i have not even watched the any one of the parts before that..
i still somehow got the story..
thanks to you..
telling me about the story patiently..
the special effect is very nice..
nicely done..
i think..
if there is going to have Harry Porter 6,
i will watch it..
and also..
after so long didn't eat popcorn..
yesterday night..
i ate it..
because of gastric..

first time all of us went out as a team..
haha..
too bad no K Box..
haiz..




i know that i have disappointed you..
actually, i'm disappointed in myself too..
unable to control..
and that i freaked out..
when things went wrong..
i feel weak, whenever i have it..
but seeing you fighting on..
give me the strength to push on..
from now on..
i will do it seriously..
not to have it again..
i'm sorry..

that is the first time i felt the coldness..

very tired..
timetable really sucks!


very sick..
this few days..
gastric pains, slight chest pain come and go..
hope all of these will be gone..
probably i didn't do a good job in taking care of myself..


very irriated..
the class really sucks!
i hate them!


how i wish you are here now..
how i wish i can talk to you now..



here to blog..

rehearsal was fun today..
given the fact that we have almost all the movements and music..
and also the dance steps..
ya..
quite fun..

today..
i have learnt a lot about myself..
the bad side..
about not thinking positive..
even that particular thing haven't happen..
and that i would just say that it's going to be boring..

and another thing that i seriously learnt is to listen..
the one that i seriously have to learn..
because i haven't been listening a lot..
and i seriously a lot..
and i'm sorry that i just brushed you aside..
listening to someone..
can really hear and really understand what that person is talking about..
how that person really feel about certain stuff..
how that person really think about stuff..
so ya..
i seriously have to learn..

and another thing is not to take people for granted..
and i'm really guilty for that..
to take someone for granted..
the one that really mean a lot to me..
i'm sorry..

being honest to each other is very important..
no matter about good things or bad..
just be honest..

just give me time..



don't have the mood to blog..
just want to say something..

please tell me how you feel..
please tell me what is wrong..
please tell me what i have done wrong..
please tell me what you are not happy with me..
please don't just keep it to yourself..
i don't want to control you..
i don't want to force you..
please forgive me..
i'm sorry..




aching..

very tired..

going to give up..
but not going to give up so easliy..
will give a good fight..
will endure all the way..


pissed off with people..
but will endure..
will tolerate..










and almost lose my very very very best friend..
the one that means a lot to me..
the one that i promise to be with when things are not going the way..
the one that i can really be myself with..
the one that i can crap around with..



today was the second day of school..

and i think i already got problem concentrating in class..

sleepy..
the lesson just bored me very easily..
and that i have to wake up very early..
and it's like i have only 6 to 7 hours of sleep..

but now..
Thank and Praise God..
some days..
i can go off early..
reach home early..
not every day until 8..
and some days..
have to go at the second half of the day..
so no need to wake up so early..
can sleep longer..

and guess what?
i was appointed to be the class REP!!!!
what the crap..
me again..
no lah..
really suck at doing that..
in the past..
during poly time..
i was the class rep too..
and this time..
also the same thing..
haiz..
why?
why?
why?
haiz..

thank you for helping me get back on my feet..
thank you for bringing back sense to me..
thank you for helping and supporting me..
i feel better now..
that i'm willing to change..
willing to stop those negitive thoughts..
from affecting me..
just continue to pray for me..
because i will need all the strength to change..
and to cope with school..
i will be praying for you too..

sometimes it's okay to feel that you don't know anything..
sometimes it's okay to ask weird questions..
sometimes it's okay to tell crappy stuff..
but if that's what you want to say..
but if that's what you feel like telling..
just say..
just tell..
i will be there, listening..
no matter what..
anything you want to say or tell..
i will be listening..
just don't keep it to yourself..
please..



today was the first day of school for me..

and i looked like zombie..

last night..
i worked for the last day..
as usual..
not enough staff..
and Thank God..
there wasn't a lot of people too..
so not that busy..
and around 10..
it started to rain..
heavily..
very cooling..

i have only 4 hours of sleep..
very tired..
which is super not like me..
in the past..
after a night of guard duty..
without any sleep..
but still very energtic..
haiz..
but now..
got sleep..
and still very tired..
getting useless..
haiz..

sorry that i have asked those questions..
because the situation now is like in the past..
so more or less..
i would be like thinking about those stuff..
so i just want to say..
i'll believe in what you said..
because i trust you..



today was a very full day..
you may be wondering..
"What do you mean by full?"
i can call it a "Mini Food Fenzy"

this morning..
went to eat bunch..
Breakfast + Lunch = Bunch
ya..
so i went to Tampines Street 11..
the round market to eat..
and i ordered 4 dishes..
fishball noodles..
lor mee..
chue kueh..
carrot cake..
of course not only me is eating..
and soya bean milk..
and guess what..
everything was finished..
and you know after that..
i went for blood donation..
then after that..
went to Bedok Market..
the interchange one..
to eat desert..
and then went to Chinatown to get egg tarts..
hmmm..
really eat a lot today...
and before writing this entry..
i finished a packet of mee pok dry..
worth $3..
WHOA~
i feel like a pig..
eat so much today..
and you know what?
the amazing thing is that..
i'm still feeling hungry..
something's wrong with me..
haha..
i shall one day..
have a proper "Food Fenzy"

today at Church..
was the 13th Blood Donation..
i went for it..
when i reached there..
not much people was there..
so everything was going very fast..
then i was beside Andrew..
ya..
then the thing is that..
there isn't any pain at my arm..
the injection and the drawing of blood..
hmmmm..
something's wrong with my arm..
haha..
no more veins at that area already..
just numb..

today also was Live Earth Day..
where we show concern by the Global Warming..
which i really don't know..
how are we going to show any concern..
just by wearing green..
and having a concert over the 7 continents..
which is going to be broadcast from 7pm to 7am..
and which most of the singers and bands..
i have never seen before..
really don't get it..
i know that Global Warming is very bad..
given that the weather for the past few days is really bad..
and the temperature is very high..
it's like once i stepped out of my house..
i startd to sweat..
that's how bad the weather is..
so ya..

anyway..
Happy Live Earth Day To Everybody~

oh ya..
this morning..
i had a new "member" in my house..
and my house is becoming of a animal shelter..
as someone said..
it was a little birdie..
baby bird..
my brother found it down my block..
waiting to be eaten up by cats before he rescued it..
but the sad thing is that..
in the end..
the birdie is died..
i don't know what happened..
so sad..
haiz..

i think i'm getting Zi Lian..
some how..
haha..

and guess what?
i'm picking back basketball again..
yes..
AGAIN..
i just don't want to lose the ability to drive up the basket..
with different styles and patterns..
because i miss the tricks driving up the basket..
and the people looking at me doing them..
since someone has already requested to see..
so i should train again..
to get back my form..
and the accurate 3 pointers..

hmmm..
today is the 6th day..
or the second last day for my record breaking attempt..

after tomorrow..
school is starting for me..
i don't know..
whether to feel excited..
or to feel lost..
or to feel sad..
i won't be able to spend so much time with you..
not that i don't want..
but i promise..
whenever i have the time..
it will be yours..
just don't give up on me..

though you may sometimes be late..
but to me..
it's okay for me..
and because of you..
i have lost the ability to scold..
which is good..
just try to change ya?
Jia You~
i will be there supporting you..
be there with you always..
and you will be in my heart..
Always..



last night is the second last day i'm working at the italian resturant..

last night working was alright..
with a few customers leaving..
very happy..
when the customers leaving happy..
you, as a waiter, also feels very nice..
it means that you have provided a good service..
you will feel happy inside too..

it was also the 4th day of the record breaking attempt..
3 more days to break record..

to you who are reading..
may think that this is childish..
the record breaking thing..
but let me ask you..
in your life..
except in your childhood days..
do you ever being childish before?
if you have, good for you..
if you don't have, then i can say..
you have a sad life..
it may sound offensive..
but it's true..
you won't be living the real you without being childish..
to me..
it's the childish part of me..
which i like the most..
because i can really be the real me..
the relaxed me..
not the all-time serious me..
the FAKE me..
and by just do the things that you don't normally do..
you will bring fun and laughter into your life..
so be the real you..

next monday will be the first day for me..
the first day in Shatec..
the first day of the torturing schedule..
8 to 8..
but i believe i can get through it..
i will need your support..
without it..
i cannot go through it alone..

i realised..
small things..
like good morning, good night..
really means a lot to me..
it means that i will have a good morning or night..
it also means that you care..

i don't know how i'm supposed to feel..
sad?
worry?
or anything else?
when you tell me about your knee..
a small part of me was a bit upset..
maybe because you didn't take care of yourself..





but a big part of me is worried for you..
wondering will you be fine..
will you be able to walk..
will you be able to take the pain..
i know that you always say that you are strong..
that pushing yourself to the limit is the way..
but sometimes..
limit is where you have to stop..
before something big happen..



today is the 3rd day of my record breaking attempt..
the eating-ice-cream-for-1-week record..
4 more days and the record will be broken..

today..
i practiced cooking again..
and i think today's dishes are just not the way i cook..
usually the dishes are like colourful..
and taste nice..
not like today..
the dishes are all brown in colour..
and very funny combinations..
3 kinds of mushrooms and bacons..
how about that..
i find the taste funny..
ya..
i shall try harder next time..

head pounding..
chest pain..
knee pain..
cannot breathe properly..
dehdyration..
i don't know seriously what is going with me..
everything is going wrong..
all these crap just came out of nowhere..
cannot take it liao..



hmmmm..

did i tell you all that i missed one day of my eating-ice-cream record?
last Sunday..
i missed it..
haiz..
cannot break my own record..
so i have set my heart..
to break the record this week again..
already completed 2 days..
another 5 days to go..

and my dog has 3 new friends..
3 chinchilas..
so i'm sad..
she won't be talking to me liao..
haiz..
so sad..

last night..
i went to buy 2 pizzas from my workplace..
and then i have to bring it back home..
so on the way home..
the MRT is super packed..
until to a extend that i got very close to someone..
with the 2 pizzas in my hand..
and then the pizza is like super nice..
smell super nice..
mushroom..
cheese..
chicken..
tomato sauce..
until i want to take a piece of it to eat..
but it will be very expensive..
$500 per piece..
so ya..
better not..
and my family enjoyed the pizzas..
so ya..
that's good..

as 9 July come close..
my heart is getting heavy..
firstly..
school's starting..
and i don't know whether i can handle the lessons..
lessons packed to the brin..
secondly..
it's because i will not be able to spend a lot of time with you..
all i can do is to promise you that i WILL NOT forget you..
nor will i fall for someone else..
because i love you too much..



hmmm..
time to make a entry..

yesterday..
went to watch Transformers..
"Transformers~ More than meets the eye~"
the movie is like more action than talk..
which is good..
because i will be kinda of bored with a lot of talking..
better than Spiderman 3..
Sorry Spidey..
robots are more appealing..
haha..
back to the movie..
in the movie..
there is a robot called Bumble Bee..
he's a cool robot..
and i seriously mean cool~
he cannot talk until near end of the movie..
how i wish i have Bumble Bee as my car..
can be a robot..
and at the same time..
a very cool and beautiful car..
yellow Chevrotel with racing stripes~
shiny..

then in the evening..
went to work..
whoa~
me and one of the trainees worked our crap off..
because yesterday night..
1 manager, 1 trainee, 3 part timers..
in which one of the part timers is new..
so it's consider 4 persons working..
so me and the trainee have to handle like 4 to 5 groups of 4 to 6 persons..
so it's like we are running for 3 to 4 hours..
in and out of the resturant..
serving the customers and bringing out the dishes..
and at the end of the night..
both of us are like cannot stand properly..
wanting to sit down..
haha..
but it was a good experience..

hmmm..
the timetable for my school is out..
and IT'S REALLY SUCKS~!
straight from the beginning in the morning 8am..
to at night 8pm..
12 HOURS~!
NO LIFE~!
and that includes SATURDAY..
really suck..
i don't know how i can handle the pressure..
but i believe that i can control them..
instead of them controling me..
Please pray for me..



haha..
just added another test..
since there is a person aced the previous test..
try the second test..
to those who haven't do the first test..
attempt the first one first..
then the second one..

tonight i will update my blog..
so be patient~
hmmm..